Dear Mom,

I had a fun weekend on the beach... I felt good.  Like myself.   It was so nice to enjoy the day and feel at peace.    The weekdays are still a little hard with Dave at work and no other adults to talk to.  I just don't want my mind to ever go back there.  But the medications are working and I've joined a yoga class down at the beach which is really great.   I think it's the same one you took.  What a peaceful setting, I know why you loved it here so much.  
Yesterday dad and I finally took all your clothes to Stratford.  We dropped some off at the women's shelter called Optimism Place, and we took the rest to the House of Blessing, where people in need can get the clothes for free.    It was hard to do, but I know you would have been proud of us and to know your clothes are going to someone who really needs them.   I kept some for myself, which was nice too.  Now it's just a matter of re-organizing my closet that REALLY needs to be done.  I wish you were here to help.  It's always fun doing a chore like that with someone else.  Makes it not so painfully boring and lonely.   But I'll put on some music someday and just plow through it.... if I ever get a chance.  Two kids is harder than I thought it would be.
This morning is a beautiful day.  I have both kids and we are going to hopefully spend most of our day outside and some of it inside, baking.  I haven't tried baking with the kids in a while.   I used to do it all the time.   So maybe today I'll give it a try, go slow and try make the most of this day.

One step at a time mom,
I miss you and need to find a way to fill the deep hole of loneliness with meaning and significance.  I'm trying.    You'd be proud of me.  I know you'd say that I'm a great mom, and I'm doing the best I can and that love is all my kids really need.  I know you'd put your arms around me and assure me that there is so much joy ahead of me.   And I know it too, mom, it's just a bit of a slow road back there as I climb my way through this post partum period.  I wish I could call you today, so instead you get a letter.  Love you mom.    Wish me a good day with my beautiful kids.
xo