Rainy Thursday

Hey Mom,

It's an overcast but warm Thursday morning.  They say thunder storms this afternoon.  But right now I'm drinking a cup of tea, in the cup you bought me, remember?  The one with the lady in the sundress walking on the beach in the brown floppy hat, among the umbrellas.  I love that cup.   It reminds me of how you looked waking on the beach.  It reminds me of how I look sometimes too.  It reminds me of us, a combination.    I love that it could be either one of us.... the spirit she exudes is in both of us.  

Cooper is at day camp for the morning doing a treasure hunt, and Everlie is having a little nap.  And I'm drinking my tea, thinking of you and remembering all the great walks we had on the beach together.

Tonight Dave is away at a sleep study, so I won't see him until tomorrow.   It'll just be me and the kids all night.   I wish you were around.  We could have a sleep over.  I miss sleepovers with you mom.  Crawling into bed, turning on a movie and snuggling up.   Tonight I will do it with my kids, if they will allow it, though they won't want to watch Under the Tuscan Sun, they'll want to watch Octonauts -- which Cooper is currently obsessed with.

I miss those days though, mom.  Crawling into bed together watching a movie.  I remember during your last days we all climbed in and watched Under the Tuscan Sun together -- probably for the millionth time.   And I remember in the hospital in London, crawling into that hospital bed and you were so sick and we were watching the Devil Wears Prada with one ear phone in your ear and one in mine.  But I wasn't really watching.   I was snuggled into you neck, holding you, thinking.... this might be the last movie I ever watch with my mom.   I was snuggled up, thinking that I never wanted to let go.   I didn't ever want that movie to end.  I didn't even want to get up out of the bed and have that moment gone.  

But we've had so many moments like that over the years it's hard to pick just one, isn't it?    I wish we could have more of them, like tonight, on this raining Thursday with Dave away for the night.   I wish my mom could come tuck me into bed and we could pop some popcorn and stay up late watching chick flicks.   Oh, how I wish.   Maybe I will watch one anyway mom, and think of you.    Imagine you there beside me, watching it with me, talking through the whole thing and driving me crazy.   

Oh how you used to drive me so crazy.   I miss that too mom.   I miss it all.

Your daughter forever,
Lisa xo