Dear Mom,
Today we come full circle on our fertility struggles. No more babies for us. I know you are happy about this decision. You were always so worried what impact those fertility drugs would have on me. You were so worried about me during my labour with Cooper, and I know you are up there worried about me now, too. Sending your love, strength, courage and hope to find my way through this struggle and out the other side. I know all you want for me is to be happy. To enjoy my life and make the most of each day. To open my heart and let love in, fully. Let it fill me up for all the days of my life. I know you are routing for me, encouraging me on, telling me that I'm doing good and not to dare give up. I know you don't want any of this for me any longer. That we've been through enough. I know you want my struggle to end.
I remember during those last days, crying into your neck, holding you tight.
Be happy, you told me.
Be happy with Cooper. We've had a great life together. Be happy with your family.
But what will I do without you mom? I still need you.
You'll be just fine. You will be just fine.
I'm going to hold you to that mom.
I'm going to hold you to it.
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